Election Haiku

I was having some fun...

John McCain tells me
He's the better candidate
I'll vote for That One

Senator McCain
Deregulation and war
I'm voting Barack

Caribou Barbie
Ready to be President?
Not a chance in hell

2008 Ballot

I just dropped my ballot in the mail. In spite of my local polling place being at the high school across the street, my entire precinct is required to vote absentee as there are fewer than 250 people in the precinct. Odd. So, I vote by mail.

This year's ballot was hideous. Twelve propositions, 9 measures, and a bunch of local positions I didn't vote on as I know nothing about the people in question. Three of them were related to West Valley College. Trustees, I think it was. I didn't care, instead deciding to leave that with people actually involved in the college.

My significant votes are as follows...

For President, I voted That One. That's Barack Obama, for those of you who missed the second "debate".

On Prop 8, I voted No. The basic premise of our Constitution is life, liberty, and the purfuit of happineff. How any person could vote in favor of a denial of rights is beyond me. And frankly, I'm getting sick of the argument that marriage is traditionally between a man and a woman. So what? Societies evolve. "Oh, but the purpose of marriage is to procreate!" Really? I know married couples who don't have kids, or who have married for financial reasons. And if a married couple hasn't produced children within a year, should they be required to separate?

Groaners

Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron!" "Are you sure," asks the other? "Yes," says the first, "I'm positive."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says, "One for me, and one for the road."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One asks the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a mussel.

I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day, but couldn't find any.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stapled to the punk rocker.

A man woke up in the hospital, after a serious accident. "Doctor," he says, "I can't feel my legs!" "I know," replied the doctor. "I've cut off your arms."

"Doctor, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'."
"Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual..."

A man took his rottweiler to the vet, complaining about crossed eyes. "Is there anything you can do for him," he asks the vet? "Well," says the vet, "let's take a look at him." So he picks up the dog, examines his eyes, and checks his teeth. Finally he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why," asks the man, "because he's cross-eyed?" "No," answers the vet, "because he's really heavy."