Hindsight is 20/20

I haven't updated Mr. Blog in a while, and a lot has happened.

The Nephew

For starters, I kicked my nephew out.

He came to me agreeing there would be no smoking, drinking or drugs, he would finish high school, and he would get a job. So three weeks ago, when I found him rolling a joint in the side yard, I told him he had to leave.

This was actually the culmination of a lot of problems that had developed. Three weeks earlier, I'd learned he'd started smoking again. When I first confronted him about the smoking, he lied about it. "I didnt lie," he said, "I evaded." ("Have you been smoking?" "Why would I want emphysema and lung cancer?")

At the same time as we were discussing the cigarettes, he told me he'd had a rough couple of weeks, and that he couldn't talk to me. I reminded him I'd tried numerous times to talk to him when he'd been upset about something, but he has never, repeat, never, opened up about whatever's bugging him. Rather, he just gets pissed off that I'm trying to talk to him at all.

Anyway, he told me that he didn't see me as either friend or family, but as an authority figure, and that he can't talk to authority figures, and that most of the authority figures he's had in his life have sucked, and that he didn't listen to most of what I told him, anyway.

I damn near kicked him out right then.

But I let it slide, and a few days later he apologized, but he continued smoking.

Then one day he came in and told me he was looking for an apartment with some guys from work. This I was happy to hear, as I took it as meaning he was finally interested in getting on with his life, rather than waiting for someone else to take care of him.

Then, the joint. When I found him in the side yard, and he told me it was pot, I told him he needed to leave. "I knew you'd say that," he said. So he went to school, came back pissed off, grabbed some things, and left. He's been back twice to get some clothes, but that's it. Haven't heard from him. I have no idea if he's still in school, or even if he's still working, considering I found half of his work clothes in his room.

His mother's influence on all three of her kids has been terrible. I learned, while my nephew was with me, that my sister has been supplying all three of her kids with cigarettes, alcohol and pot, for quite some time -- in spite of them being minors! While in prison, her 13-year-old bought pot from a kid at school, and offered it to the 15-year-old. The 15-year-old was forbidden by her grandmother to hang with her best friend, as her best friend had brought some pot to the house for my niece. Now my nephew, in spite of his desire to enter the FBI, has decided to flush his future in law enforcement down the toilet, but once again entering party mode.

I just don't understand such self-destructive tendencies.

The Sister

Apparently, my sister's out of prison. I believe it's been two weeks. She called and left me a message, but I haven't yet returned her call. I'm still pissed about the mess she dumped in my lap, which I had to clean up. I made the mistake of buying a property in Washington, on which she and the kids could live, and for which she was supposed to be paying the expenses.

Upon her getting arrested, I learned she'd been several months behind on the mortgage payments, hadn't paid the property tax in two or three years, was delinquent on the water assessments, and was living in a trailer littered with garbage, and animal crap.

I'm not joking about the animal crap.

I had to go to Washington to clean up the property, and prep it for sale. I ended up having two 30' dumpsters of trash hauled to the dump, and found dog and cat poop all over the house. This little two-bedroom trailer was being occupied by my sister, her three kids, two ferrets, a cat, a dog, and her latest boyfriend. There were black widows living under the kitchen sink, and piles of junk everywhere.

All told, her arrest and the subsequent property prep and sale cost me $24,000. The money's been sitting on my equity account for a year, and I have no idea how I'm going to pay it off. So frankly, when she called upon getting out, the last thing I wanted to do was speak with her. I know I'm going to just end up having to eat the expense.

The Nephew Part II

When my sister was arrested, and my nephew asked if he could come live with me, it was a few weeks before I learned exactly how troubled he was. I decided to stay home from work to keep an eye on him. Frankly, I didn't trust him in my house, orwith my dog.

He came to me with a violent temper. Worse, he got angry about the stupidest things. The trailer in Washington was full of holes in walls and doors, and had broken windows, as the result of his assorted tantrums. He learned from his mother, who throws and breaks things, that destruction of property is an acceptable means of dealing with anger.

He managed not to destroy any of my property, as I absolutely would not tolerate temper tantrums. I also put a lot of effort into getting his temper under control, as I was sick of him screaming and yelling, throwing things, destroying his own possessions, and trashing his room, all because his character died playing video games.

Yes, you read that properly. Tantrums because his character died playing a video game.

My dog was afraid of him. He could constantly come into my room and lay down next to my desk, when my nephew was playing Grand Theft Auto, or whatever other game was pissing him off.

Oh, and for those people who think video games don't incite violence, you're wrong. My nephew was an extremely angry and agitated person when playing GTA, and for days afterward. When I finally forbade that game, and when he eventually broke my PlayStation due to repeatedly turning it on and off during the day, his temper calmed drastically. Consider -- GTA is all about violence and destruction of property. My nephew would play that game specifically to run around and kill civilians! He took great joy in picking up hookers, driving her to the beach, then getting out of the car and blowing it up with a rocket launcher. He also took great joy in using sniper rifles to blow people's heads off from the distance. I asked him once what he wanted to do for a living. He actually told me he wanted a job where he could shoot people.

I was angry, but relieved, when the PS2 stopped working.

The House and the Job

Anyway, with him here, I took 15 months off to keep an eye on him. When I left Oracle in Oct '05, I'd planned on taking six months for R&R, but it was at the 6 month mark where my sister got arrested and that whole crisis began.

I've since decided staying home the past 15 months was a bad idea. While I initially thought it would be good for my nephew, it's been bad for me. I've been living off my Oracle stock, which is nearly depleted. This month, my mortgage switched from fixed-rate to an ARM and a leg, causing my payments to go up $600/month. And a two year hiatus on a resume is not going to look good.

I can't sleep at night, as I lie awake wondering how I'm going to get out of this mess -- my sister's expenses, my mortgage situation, will I be able to keep my house, and if not, where will I live, and worse, what will happen to Toby? I absolutely refuse to give up my dog, but I can't keep him in apartment, and wouldn't be able to get one anyway, without an income.

So I'm feverishly looking for work right now.

I'm worried, as I haven' interviewed for a job in 13 years. As mentioned, I've also been off for two years. While I have been studying during that time, much of it won't qualify me for a job. Reading books on HTML, CSS, Ajax, Objective-C and Cocoa won't help when my resume doesn't show any of that experience. All it shows is Java. So, I'm pursing a Java job. I don't have issues with Java, rather it's only now I realize all that other study, while exposing me to technologies I haven't used professionally, isn't likely to help me land a job. I probably should have put more effort into learning yet more about Java over the past two years.

I've applied to Apple and Yahoo, and am also applying to Google. I haven't looked for other positions yet, as I want to cover my Big 3 first, before looking elsewhere. I would love to get into Apple or Google, and hope that either company is willing to hire someone for whom learning is a hobby. I feel I can land a Java job, but having not worked in the Web 2.0 space, would also like to give that a try. I used to be a Mac developer, prior to Mac OS X, and would love to do some Mac development again. I'd even like to try my hand a QA, never having done it before. Or work as a project lead or development manager. There are all sorts of fun things I could do, and while I have worked as a project lead before, my best resume experience is with Java. And Google, in particular, has so much going on...

I'm pursuing a couple of options with the house. One, house-mates. Two, selling. I really don't want to sell, as it's likely to be at a loss in this market. Then there's the problem with where to live. So I've mailed a guy I knew in college, who recently moved back to the Bay Area, to see if he and his partner would be interested in renting space here. I don't know what their plans are, but some additional money from rent would seriously help alleviate the problem with the mortgage.

There's also a fellow I knew at Oracle who may be looking for a place. Shy these two possibilities, I may need to find strangers interested in renting rooms. I really don't want to do that, but then, I also don't want to lose my house.

I wish I could ask a couple of my more well-off relatives with some financial help, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Given the mess my sister dumped on me, how can I justify dumping my own poor 15-month decision on someone else?